Broken

Honey! It's always hard to live in it. It's life.

That girl called me when I fucked up. My sister was laid down in her bed, unconscious. My dad was crying, so hard, so my mom. The doctor said the last thing we had is hope. I got angry. I couldn’t do anything. That was suck. That girl asked me how my sister was, and I couldn’t accept that. I was busy with my own thing, always only my own thing. My business, my own business. My unreal thing I called life. What is life? I left her, she left me then.

Someone else left me when I’m not ready yet. I tried too hard to cope it. Face it. And I said to myself: I’m strong. And then they’re living their happy life, everybody is. I envy them. And I got angry.  But I try to show how great I am, how strong I am, how smart, how interesting. Some of them are impressed. Some of them are not. Deep down in my heart I know, it’s not the real me. But they’re impressed, so I just went on.

What is structure? I try to figure it lately. Structure just like any others bullshit in this shitty life: structure is construct of people’s mind, not the integral. There’s no structure, structure is raw meat in raw food. They tried to feed us with that shit. And we believe in it. And we’re doomed by their power. Coz they’re having it all and they’re playing us like a puppeteer.

We believe in sentences, in grammar. And we’re fading out in it. We lost as much as we give, but they’re said it is grace, it is offering of all the things we had taken from the up above. And then summer is gone, so winter. We’re just passed by like any other. That boy kill his father, he said that he was depressed. Men raped women, their women. And they said they’re doing it for good reason, what is good?

Honey, I’m sorry! I can’t even write it well. But I just wanna say this thing: everything you’ve heard about me is completely wrong. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I set it up, and you’re floating along the stream. I was laughing, coz I think that’s how people put their respect of everything. But I’m wrong. I know it by now.

Everything is broken. So am I. Why? You got confuse? Don’t be! Life itself is broken, broken-ing. Coz life is fragile. Just like shells in my curtain. But still, you have your two choices: throw it down or keep it up. We always love it when it’s all new. But there’s nothing new forever. We can’t deny that the journey always take it cost. And the cost is damage, harm, injury. Just like my life since she left me. You’re the best thing I ever had, but I’m not finished person. I won’t make you sacrifice more.

The best time in my life is when I was with you. But you have your own life. Take me as a broken part of your life. But don’t throw your life just because this broken part. Look at them, they’re sad, but mostly they’re happy. And you can be that happy either. Not by losing life, but keep it. Leave me, live your life!

Don’t worry about me! I’m fine. I'm fine.